The delimma
by Zing2.0
Summary: Jade knows what it's like to be between a rock and hard place. Do you?


I still remember the first time we met; it was towards the end of junior year. She had transferred from an ordinary high school to HA. I had heard about her incredible voice and her performance in the big showcase before we even met.

It wasn't quite the introduction though; at least from my part…I opened the door to find her, Tori. A tall, beautiful girl with wavy hair rubbing on my now ex boyfriend. I saw her as a threat that very second. So when Sikowitz called us up to act for an improv scene, one thing led to another and soon enough my coffee was on her head and she was running out of the class room, crying. I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel a little guilty when she kept her distance from me after that for the rest of our years in high school, but back then I was a gank and I had a reputation to uphold.

So senior year ends, and I can't remember ever talking to Tori after that. But I don't really think about her, I've got other things on my mind. Like my break up with Beck, applying for college, stuff like that.

A few months later I get accepted into Cal Arts and then came my first day of college. I was really nervous. So I walk into the class and realize that I don't know anybody. I scan the room and my eyes meet with her. Tori. It's one of those awkward moments when you don't know anybody else in the whole room so you meet eyes with someone who you kind of remember. You know, acknowledging the fact that you both know each other, even vaguely, but it's a better option than to sit alone so you quickly become acquainted. I survey the rest of the room and then walk towards her and ask if I could sit with her. She says yes and points at the seat beside her. She reaches her hand out and waits for mine. I remember looking at her like she had grown two heads or something. Why is she being nice to me after what I did?

"I know I didn't make the greatest first impression, so I would like to start over. I'm Tori. Remember, the girl you spilled coffee on" She laughs, her hand still in the air. I stare at it but then take it.

"I'm sor…"

"I know you are and it's okay Jade. Like I said, we should start fresh. People change after high school and I'm sure you have too." she gives an easy smile, the one which I would later miss.

The moment passes and we become friends. We sat by each other everyday after that. Then she became my best friend; she was there for me when I needed someone to talk to. We were completely opposite, her being a ray of sunshine and I my usual mean self. We used to bicker like an old couple but still couldn't stay away from each other.

By the time of the next semester, we became so close that the rest of our college friends used to suspect that we were actually dating. I would just laugh it off and Tori would grin. One time in class Tori and I were laughing and then she went to get something. Her friend looked at me and leaned over saying "You know I wouldn't be surprised if it were true."

"If what were true?"

"You and Tori dating…I can see that she likes you and you like her"

I just looked at him and laughed and told him that it was just the way our relation was. I mean, Tori had told me that she was into girls but, I was sure that she didn't like me. Or did she? I remember suspecting that she had a crush on me once.

And did I like her back?

What would it be like if we were dating?

I thought about it for a while over the days of our semester break. One friendly date, what could go wrong? I just wanted to see what it would feel like. She wasn't dating anyone and neither was I, so I discussed it with her and she said that she would love to give it a shot. The night our date was held, I remember being super pissed at Tori because she sent me a text saying she couldn't show up due to some issue and has sent someone else who she would like for me to be friends with. By the time I could even tell her no, a young good looking African American dude was standing at my door step. His name was Andre and was one of Tori's childhood friends but they got separated when he moved abroad and now he's back for good. Even though I was looking forward to going out with Tori, her friend didn't seem too bad. He was charming and we hit it off.

I don't think much came after that, but somehow I started becoming closer to Andre more than Tori. And soon enough we were dating. While mine and Andre's relationship grew, my friendship with Tori started to fade away. Now instead of Tori being next to me in the movies or at college or parties or gatherings, it was Andre. It's not like she wasn't their but she wasn't with me…I missed her but it felt like she was ignoring me on purpose so I couldn't say much. I remember thinking if dating Andre was a bad idea but Tori never said anything to me. If anything she encouraged it.

Andre was only doing a short course at Cal arts. So when he left, Tori suddenly started to show up more again. Not the same as before, she was still with me during college hours but not when Andre was with me. I used to wonder why, but decided not to ask. At least I got my friend back. Whenever Tori was with me, I felt like I could talk to her about anything. We talked about our future and what we wanted to do with our lives, like it was her dream to act in one of those lame super hero movies. I remember her pouting adorably when I laughed at her.

We talked about my relationship with Andre and even the type of girl she wanted to be with. I remember what she said when I asked her that. She looked at me straight in the eyes and her answer made my heart skip a beat.

"You're the type of girl I want to be with."

I couldn't do anything to hide the flush but I tried my best to push the smile off my face which seemed to be finding its way back throughout that whole day.

As time went on, things with Andre started getting difficult and I turned to Tori. I started getting confused. Suddenly, I was bombarded with all these feelings for her that I didn't know about till then. Maybe somewhere deep down they were always their, I just never acknowledged them. And I just knew Tori felt the same way. Even though we never pointed it out, we both knew that we were attracted to one another. Another bad fight and Andre and I were done. I broke up with him telling him that it wasn't working out for us and I needed time to sort my feelings out. As expected, he took it in a very mature manner. He told me that his arms are always open for me if I change my mind because he loves me.

I remember the first thing I did after the break up was to go to Tori's place and kiss her. And then I told her about mine and Andre's break up and how great he took it. The look on her face when I told her I was falling for her…a smile that I would see only on a few rare occasions over the past few months. And then she kissed me again and again to make up for the time's we had missed out on, for the feelings we had fought for so long. In the end, we ended up making love. The next day, when I woke up lying next to Tori, I was like the happiest person in the world. It felt so right being with her. And I felt like nothing could take this away from me.

I was wrong. I guess fate had something else planned.

I found out that I was pregnant with Andre's baby and decided not to tell Tori about it, not until I had at least sorted all of it out and talked to Andre. I thought she wouldn't want me if I told her, and why would she? Our relationship was still fresh. Hell, I wouldn't even call it a relationship; we had hooked up just a few days back. None of us had even talked about what we were going to do with our whole situation and I would be adding a baby to the picture… it just felt wrong to do that to her. But most of all, even if she did accept the baby and we were to stay together, hypothetically… then what would happen? Both of us were still college students and wouldn't get an actual job until we at least graduated. I knew that Tori would never stay in the sidelines once she got involved and I did not want her to sacrifice anything because of me.

So I did what I felt was the right thing to do at the time, not just for Tori but also for my baby. I went back to Andre and told him I was pregnant. He said that it would be best if we got back together and he would support me and the baby. I couldn't ask any more from him. At that time, somehow, I felt like I was being run over by a freight train. I was only 20 and I had to suddenly decide the future of a person who hadn't even come into this world yet. But I knew that, if it had Andre in it. It would be a safe and secure one since financially he was pretty stable.

But getting back with Andre meant I had to end things with Tori. Which was one of the most hardest and painful things I have ever come across.

I didn't mention the pregnancy even then. I remember her asking me why. Why get with her if I wanted to get back with Andre? I didn't answer her and I think she took it as a sign that I was still in love with him even though I wasn't. I couldn't deny it because then I would have had to tell her about the baby and Tori would persuade me too stay with her and I just knew I couldn't say no if that were to happen.

She left me telling me it would be better if I left her alone from now; she was lament and angry at me for using her and refused to talk after that. It got even worse when she found out with the rest of our friends about the pregnancy when Andre threw our 'getting back together party'. In a way, I thought it was good, better that she hated me.

But she didn't…which made things even harder.

She wrote me a letter and had someone else send it to me. In it she told me she loves me and has always loved me but was too scared to tell me that because she thought I never had feelings for her and only looked at her as a friend, but then I came to her house that day and kissed her…she thought we could finally be together like she wanted. And if I had let her she would have supported the baby, but she couldn't force me to do anything because it wasn't her place and I would know better what I want for the child since I was the mother. Even if that meant being with Andre and not her. She said she forgives me and doesn't want to end our relationship on a bad note. And as much as she would love that we could still remain friends, it would be unfair to her if she needs to move on and that's only possible if she wouldn't be around me anymore because that would make it hard for her to forget me. She said that she hopes that Andre and I have a good future together. The letter said a lot of other stuff but I still can't seem to get the last part out of my head "_I wish I had showed up on our first date and not send Andre instead. But I was really nervous, didn't know one date with him would change everything now could I? Ha-ha. Wish it hadn't though…But know one thing Jade West. You seem braver than you are, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think, that is why I respect you're decision of choosing him over me. The only person who knows best for you is you. But the most important thing is that even if we're apart…I will always love you."_

I don't remember much after that. I think I blocked it out of my memories. But I'm pretty sure I broke down in the middle of class after reading it. I felt like my heart was literally breaking in two. We wrote back to one another for a while through e-mails, but then I think I just chose to loose that too. After that we pretty much avoided each other altogether. I would only see her in classes. I remember catching her watching me sometimes and our eyes would meet and then shift away. Sometimes I waited just to see her show up, just to see her and know that she was okay. I knew she wasn't but I didn't do anything…I was too busy dealing with my pregnancy. Andre and our friends always wondered why Tori left our group and mostly stayed to herself. I don't think they will ever find out what happened though.

It's been 6 years since all of this happened and during this time I gave birth to a beautiful son, who I decided to name Vega, and Andre was pleased with it because Tori Vega was the reason why we met in the first place. He and I moved in together after graduation and just as I had hoped he was really supportive throughout, and we soon got married. Our relationship was going good and there were no complications, not with him and not with Vega Jr. either.

Now even though I have everything, a perfect family. A great husband, the career I wanted and love. I still miss her, Tori. I sometimes wonder if she misses me too. The year we graduated was the last time I saw her. Unless you count seeing someone in movies…"The amazing Spider girl starring Tori Vega" My son made me watch it 2 times with him in the cinema and then we came again to watch the sequel. I've heard from reliable sources that she's even dating now, a girl who's like 5 years younger than her and looks like a slutty version of Carrie Underwood, SO not her type though. And I know I might snap her neck if we ever met...kidding (or not).

But in all honesty I'm happy to see Tori where she is right now doing so well, living her dreams. The dreams I don't know would've been possible if I was with her at the time. I have moved on and she has the right to do the same. I have accepted the fact that even though we were perfect for each other, we weren't in the perfect situation. Don't get me wrong, I love Andre and I like where I am right now...it's just that at time's like these, when he's out on a business trip, my son is fast asleep in his bedroom upstairs and I'm all alone in this large house, my thoughts trail back to the time when Tori was with me. I did not just loose a lover but also my best friend.

I guess that love just isn't enough sometimes...

* * *

_**So I hope this wasn't too sad, I tried my best to give them some happiness. This is my first time writing a one shot, so if you guys think I should do more, tell me. **__**Anyways, review and favorite if you liked it. Thanks for reading :D **_

_**And I can't believe spider girl got nominated in the Topaz awards lol...Thank you to those who have supported my story by reviewing, favoring, following and even reading it. Love you all!**_


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